I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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