..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
