My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
