you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
how does that bad decision feel?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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