Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
