ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
