Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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