Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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