I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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