True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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