We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
