I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
