you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
