I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
