just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
