the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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