Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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