All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
