The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
this will be a night to untag.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
