ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
