I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
