I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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