Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
