Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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