coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
