he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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