I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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