I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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