Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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