if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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