it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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