as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
