sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
