i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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