well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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