When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
