now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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