i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
