Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
