this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
