just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
