my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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