I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize