NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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