Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
