dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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