Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
