I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
