Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
