I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
