Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
