You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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