she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
honey bunches of taint.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
