Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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