God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize