he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
