I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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