dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
