No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
