Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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