I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
