Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
