All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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