You really coming over, don't trick.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
