You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
