It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
