it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
