margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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