I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
