i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
