i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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