i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
